like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
