i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
