do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
