Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
