You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
