im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
