i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
try to milk me bitch
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