Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
