your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
