I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
