some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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