even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
