You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
