i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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