turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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