dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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