Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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