I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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