Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
