playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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