did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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