So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
