ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
