Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
