The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
