I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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