Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
