Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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