She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
