On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
