you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
