Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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