I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
