i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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