You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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