We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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