I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
