haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i barfeds in our rink
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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