I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
