Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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