i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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