I just threw up on my dentist
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm at about main and main street
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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