We named our party play list daddy issues
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
