So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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