i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
