Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
