just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
