dude i'm inner monologue high
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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