Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
