I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
