my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
