he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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