i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
